That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize