my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
