this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
