People with herpes should wear stickers.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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