you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sober January is a disaster.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
