Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
