Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
