that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
