i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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