it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
