just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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