grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
