I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
