google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
