Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
