we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
