Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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