it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
