I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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