You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
