Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
