I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
