How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
