i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
