Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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