mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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