well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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