I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
