at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize