I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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