How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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