The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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