Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Who died my cat blue again?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
