do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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