Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
