Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
