dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
