i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we made out on top of his cat.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
