Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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