Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
