So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
