i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
