This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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