why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize