you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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