if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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