Welp...herpes.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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