my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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