I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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