4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
