Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
