Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize