just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
