i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
