no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i barfeds in our rink
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
