I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
