i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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