oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i will never coherently bang her
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
