i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
