I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize