The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
