This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize