I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
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