Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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