It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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