im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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