i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize