dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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